they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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