careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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