oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
