Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
