The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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