No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
