i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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