CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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