you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
