oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
