i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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