Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
