Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
