hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize