its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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