I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
