he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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