Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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