I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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