I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize