is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize