I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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