Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
