maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
