I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
