this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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