I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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