There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
