My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
