When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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