what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
