I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize