dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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