So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
