We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
