i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
