I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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