She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
