there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
