after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
