I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
