you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
