You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
