Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
