Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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