Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
