dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize