I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
