I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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