This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
