Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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