just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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