marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize