when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can I color on your dick again?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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