WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
