She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
