grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
