my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just cropdusted the office
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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