dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
