im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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