there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
