never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
