He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
