Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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