I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
