Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
