Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
