At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
