I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
