In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
