shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she woke up with a sticky ear
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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