I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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